This was originally posted October 29, 2016
They tried to prepare me.
As I walked into the sliding glass doors I could see the open bed and nothing but tubes coming out of my 7-week-old daughter.
Seven access points into her cold, pail body. Half a room of machines extending from the ceiling. I didn't know it had a name. I do now. They call it...
I couldn't even stand at the end of her bed. My daughter had just finished open heart surgery. Seeing her like that was more than my mind and body could handle. It wasn't the sight of blood, it was the depth of knowing what had happened and fearing the next moments.
"I can't stand up," I told Joshua. "It's okay, sit down," he whispered back. I found a plastic chair about four feet from her bed. I felt so guilty I couldn't even physically make myself stand by her bed. My daughter is in a medically induced coma and I can't stand by her side. I was barely breathing. This was harder than I expected.
Little did we know she was 24 hours from dying, and 24 hours from coming back, not once but four times over the next nine days.
I've asked God many times a word that sometimes sends me spiraling and sometimes provides rejuvenating purpose.
What if she didn't code? Would she have been so sick and so behind? What if they didn't inadvertently destroy part of her immune system? What if this caused the seizures? Why did this happen this way for four years? God could have allowed this to happen differently. What if life were easier for her? Why does she have to have so many seizures? Why this way?
You're the reason. Yes, you. You may have never met Landrey but I bet you've prayed for her. For four years, you have seen her story play out over social media. At crucial times, maybe even this past January, you may have secretly checked my Facebook page to see if she's still alive. She is.
God still does miracles. Big ones and small ones. Some slow. Some steady. Landrey is improving. God isn't done working. This past fall Landrey started school. In two months, her two absolutely incredible teachers have tapped into connecting with Landrey in a way that we have never seen before. She's improving developmentally. God sent us to a place I've never been, to an elementary school I'd never heard of, to teachers I had never met, who have developed a passion to see her thrive.
This isn't how I planned it. Maybe this isn't how you planned your moments right now. Perhaps you're in a situation that you see no way out. The odds are stacked.
You can't even stand up.
You don't have to stand alone. God can work behind the scenes. He cares for you. He is for you. Landrey's life is proof. A lot of what she faces isn't fair. Maybe you could say the same about your life. He's not done fighting for Landrey and He's not done fighting for you.
|Hours after open heart surgery; Landrey enjoying a day at school|
Open Heart Surgery
God is real.
Landrey is proof.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;
All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:8, 15-18